You Will Always Prevail
You Will Always Prevail
I just had a moment tonight where I thought, "Everything is doomed, why bother?" Well, it's not just tonight truthfully, it's often enough that I feel that way... but there was something different about tonight's little... what shall we call it... episode, I guess?
To me, "episode" works well, because I can think of it as a TV series of sorts. None of it is real, but I certainly keep coming back to see what's "new" or "different." It never changes, by the way. The story is always some kind of misunderstood turmoil or confusion, and it is usually the star of the show that's the one causing the issue... unfortunately, I seem to be the star most of the time. I'd fire the director of the show, but... well, that's a different story.
I tend to get forget the ground upon which I stand, and I blow things way out of proportion. My life is going to crash into the Pit of Doom unless... "Well, if [this] or they'd [that] then [insert heroic dream like sequence for the conclusion to the non-existent problem where I always become the glowing, self-righteous dude who never needs to gloat because I'm so correct that everyone knows it]!"
Reality check: Ya - right, DL! Earth is calling you... Snap out of it!
Life isn't going to fall apart. For some reason, today especially, I've had to remind myself of that for very minor things. "Life is going to be okay, DL. Relax. The day will get over and most likely Earth isn't going to explode, implode, or simply disappear. And in the unlikely event that it does - well, it should be pretty fast." (Okay, I added that last sentence as an afterthought just now, just to make me feel better... but it does seem reasonable, doesn't it?)
Back on track:
The reality is that we all come back from our problems. That is, most of us. Some of us are sicker than others, and I'll not take that fact away from the reality that it is, nonetheless - I'll be okay. Most of us who are truly in recovery will be. We all seem to have this "supernatural rebound" ability to walk away; to be ALIVE.
It's certainly how I've made it this far. I'm a tough SOB, and I didn't come from Hell with out survival skills and some tools to suit. I've earned this freedom from the Obsession... but it has taken a lot of work, and somedays - I think I won't make it. Yet I always do.
If you're new to recovery, just keep doing the deal, "keep coming back" for "one more day," "just 24 more." And if you're struggling at any point, remember your tools, and use them. Or go learn some new ones. But remember where you came from. Know what you've got now. Pick up the damn phone. Hit a meeting of any kind (ANY KIND as long as it's clean!). Recall what you wanted in Life, and know you're worth every damn breath you breathe, every ounce of energy you spend, and every wall you tear down and boundary you set. It is a tough ride a lot of times, but for every down, there is an up (I promise)...
... and you will always prevail.
I know I sure have.
Author's Note: It's amazing to me - when I seem to be struggling, whether a lot or only a little - where the inspiration to "sit and be okay" comes from. This post, which I'll leave as is, mistakes and all, was inspired by an email I'd received. "You will always prevail" it read. Suddenly, I knew I was going to make it past my insignificant, ever-growing-larger-than-life issue... and so I am.
And you will, too.