Rock Bottom - A Muliti-Purposed Event
Quite some time back, I had an idea that I thought could be useful to our readers, or at least it would be interesting to try. I had discussed it with Tami, but at the time, I was still ironing out a lot of bugs on both the blogging and the podcasting side and we simply didn't have the time. A few days ago, Dawayne, founder of Mindshifters IR, mentioned the exact same thing to me. I guess it's time to implement it.
Today, for the first time, we're going to try this idea out. I need your feedback, please. We'll try this a few times, and depending on feedback, we'll continue, or stop.
"What's the idea?" you ask?
Drunkless Audio Blogs. Accompanying this blog is an audio version of it, read by the author. This serves two primary purposes:
1) So the reader can listen to it rather than read it (for whatever reason they need)
2) The author can speak it as it was intended to sound in their own head. A lot gets conveyed in the voice of a story that simply cannot be heard by reading.
This is ultimately our goal, and depending on time and feedback, we'll continue to move forward with this concept and with the authors that can and want to do this. Enjoy.
Drunkless™ Audio Blog
I don't know what it is exactly that reminds us alcoholics and addicts about how good the feeling was of using, but it happens to us. We think about it from time to time, or at least, I know I do. Case in point:
I've been sick for the last two days. I hate being sick (I mean, who doesn't, right?)! Especially when it is in the middle of the night and I'm tossing and turning, shaking with fever, and I recall how alcohol used to... well, suck. It sucked bad. It would definitely numb me down, but it sucked!
As I laid there last night, shivering in aches and sore joints, I remember that I used to use alcohol to "soothe" my achey body. But then I had a flashback -- a flashback that reminded me quite well as to why I wanted to be dead when I drank.
I recalled the quivering and the shaking and the uncontrollable, unstoppable quaking. The twitching that ensued and the racing mind and arguing incessantly between Left Side and Right Side about how to achieve the death I longed for.
<shiver sent down my spine just now as I write this>
As I laid there last night -- feverish, shaking -- a smile spread across my face. I was sober. There was nothing that I was going through at that moment that I hadn't already been through by far worse than I was right then. I was sober, I knew that tomorrow I would remember the day before and that night, and that I would get past it. I knew that I was alive, and better yet, I was okay with it.
It's interesting to me that my rock bottom has served me more than once. From being the source that made me want to change, to making the change, to scaring me from going back, to reminding me why I don't want to go back... to appreciating what I now have, even as sick as I am.
I can't ask for much more than this. I mean, it's not just being alive, it's being OKAY with being alive (some days more than others). It's being happy that I've got what I've got, that I am not worse off than I could be. That I'm not DEAD. NOT DEAD. The exact opposite of what I knew I wanted when I was steeping in my alcoholism.
I'm a blessed man these days. Very blessed. And although these moments of gratitude can come and go, i also know they can return. Just like the serenity, tranquility, and peace that I crave so much for.
I promise that for every low there is a high; and behind every high there is a low... but it WILL BE FOLLOWED by another high. Hang onto those moments of height. Look and see.
And when the low begins, hold onto support, ride out the lows with them and it won't be as bad, of that we can be assured.
Besides, there's a high to follow. I promise. Know what else? I don't want to be alone on the UP, either. I want to enjoy it... with friends and family.
I can do that today. And for that, I am grateful.