Daily Life

Pilots, Hell, and Trust

By: DL

“Trust God,” the Rooms say.  “Trust the Great Unknown,” the Native-American recovery program says.  “Trust the Process,” my counselor said.

I just recently received a text by a friend of mine who wrote:

“It’s easier to trust when you have nothing to lose.” 

I’m an alcoholic.  I’ve been to Hell.  I’ve been there, I’ve done that.  And it is a misery I don’t ever want to go back to.  One might come to a realization that after such a case, what’s left to lose?

I don’t know why it struck me like it did, but after I received that text, I responded to my friend’s text with this:

“Aho. That's a fact.  It's interesting you bring up trust... [It’s] something I'm working on with [my] HP.  On day 7 of a 21 day spiritual workshop online … [and] everyone always says "things are as they should be" in the very moment we're in.  But i often wonder - how do we REALLY know this?  The answer, it seems (quite vaguely, mind you), is to trust in the Great Unknown (aka: God), as the Native American 12-Step program calls it.  Anyway...”

But that didn’t seem like a fulfilling response to my friend’s comment:

“It’s easier to trust when you have nothing to lose.” 

Nothing. To. Lose.

I came to a another realization that, unless we don’t value ourselves, isn't Life alone enough to have something to lose? I mean, these days, my life is worth something.  Even a little bit.  And having come from Hell, believe me, it’s worth a lot more than not!  So I can’t speak for anyone else, but as for me?  I DO HAVE SOMETHING to lose – my life.

For me, his comment simply rang a new message.  It suggested to me that when I do have something to lose, it’s not going to be easy to simply trust that it will always be there.  And in fact, I know that one day, I will simply cease to exist. 

But today – today I am here.  I exist.  What other option do I have but to trust?  Run the show myself?

Hardly.  I obviously can’t follow directions; isn’t that what got me to Hell to begin with?

I have to trust my pilot – whoever, whatever, it/s/he may be.  So I think I will.