BY: TAMI HARPER WINN
Sitting crossed-leg in the middle of my now green grass in my backyard, I feel like I am seeing colors for the first time. Around me are different shades of green, soft pink tulips, sky blue dotted with silky white up above me. In the distance the amber, red-orange, and magenta horizon swallows a sunflower yellow ball. I am in awe. Has this been here the whole time? Crazy. How come it feels like I’ve never seen it before, like I’m seeing it for the first time? Because I am – today I have a #newpairofglasses.
This is the month in which I am starting to really see the world from a new perspective. I have been working diligently on figuring out who I am and what I need in order to have a healthy recovery, and I believe I’ve uncovered a few hidden gems. It kind of goes along with this time of year.
Spring brings about the fresh newness of life. What had been sleeping and laying dormant for those long cold months suddenly shouts, “I’m back”! How wonderful that there are ever present reminders of rebirth, and beauty unfolding out of the cold, dark earth each year. It is a promise we can count on, that if we hold on just long enough, we will be able to witness once more the renewal of life.
I hold this time year close to my heart. It breathes hope and promise. It resembles my first few sober breaths and the first few miracles I witnessed early in my recovery. Everything was so brand new. Everything was so amazing. Its as if I was just being born myself. I was coming to life. I was experiencing things for the first time and actually being a part of the experience.
A friend shared with me a story that her sponsor had shared with her early on in recovery. She shared that when she first got sober, her and her sponsor were out driving to a meeting. All of the sudden her sponsor pulled the car over and jumped out exclaiming, “Can you see that?” She looked around with all the wonder of a small child.
My friend, being quite confused and agitated with her sponsor’s abnormal behavior, said “No, what am I suppose to see?”
Her sponsor then replied, “That’s right. You can’t see colors yet” and got back in the car.
It took some time for my friend to figure out what she meant, but when she did finally, she finally had truly known what it meant to see the colors.
Everything has a bright vibrant aura about it and only when you see it can you say you really have. Today, as I sit in the backyard, I am seeing the colors for the first time. I now know what she meant. Even though I have a few years under my belt, and I understand what it meant to have my first experiences sober, it is different today.
You may wonder why. I am still exploring that myself. I cannot say right now what exactly is different. I do not know why my higher power waited this long to reveal such a marvelous show of colors to me. What I do know is that it is part of my new year’s quest to challenge myself each month to find out something new about me, and help define what healthy recovery looks like to me today. I also know that as I put on this #newpairofglasses that I am seeing the world I live in and my recovery from a completely different vantage point. I am seeing colors for the first time.
~ Tami Harper Winn ~
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