Be Careful What You Pray For
"Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it."
Why does that sound like a warning? Shouldn't we be happy when we get what we pray for? Shouldn't we be jumping up and down for joy, singing happy songs to the sunlight of the spirit? Well, yes I guess once we get it, but it's the process of getting it that's the tricky part. We all know the stories of people praying for patience then instead of suddenly becoming patient, their prayers are answered with opportunities to practice patience. Yes my friends that seems to be how it works. Nothing in this life comes free. Life can be tricky and God definitely has a sense of humor. Although it may seem like God is picking on you sometimes, trust me when I say He knows what He is doing. (Well He is God after all)
I just happen to have some experience in this area and I would love to share it with you.
I can get pretty lax on my program sometimes. This program is a lifestyle I have adopted and it works. When I follow the directions outlined in the program and practice them in all areas of my life things go alright. I'm peaceful, happy and making progress in all areas of my life. So when I slack on doing the things I know that are good for me, the exact opposite happens. I become restless, irritable and discontent. Others around me know it and are negatively affected by it. That's when I get in the "my life sucks" mode and it goes from there.
Anyway, so one time I was in the latter mood. I know what I needed to do but I just wasn't taking action. I was sitting in the gloom feeling sorry for myself. It was frustrating that I know what to do yet wasn't doing it. So I decided to pray for discipline. "Come on God," I would pray, "work your magic and get me back in gear." For the first few days not much was happening. I know now that it was the calm before the storm. I continued praying, knowing that He listens and would answer. He always does.
So sometime in the near future I had a falling out with a friend. They were hurt, I was hurt, damage was caused. I was pissed off beyond belief. This person was wrong and I was right- I was sure of it!! A few days, a couple of harsh words and one magical inventory (see step 4) later, and TA-DA! I won't go into all the details now, but I had one of the most eye-opening revelations of my sobriety. (Needless to say, it didn't matter if they were or were not right, what mattered is I found where I was wrong.) God is good. The point is, I wasn't doing a dang thing to maintain my life in sobriety. Consequently, I felt like shit and hurt those around me. I prayed for discipline, and God didn't suddenly inspire me to do stepwork, however He allowed my attitude to come to a head where I finally hurt bad enough (due to this fight with my friend) to take action. Oh boy and action was taken trust that! I was in so much misery that I was writing inventories, meeting with my sponsor and hitting meetings at a record pace. Oh how good it felt to dive into the program with such vigor after a long dry spell. I was all spiritual, happy, and back on my game. So yes I prayed for discipline and was presented with a horrible situation. It was because of that situation that I found the discipline to take action which resulted in a spiritual breakthrough. I can't say it enough-God knows what He is doing. Thank God for God!
I do it because it works.
I do it because I live a life in recovery.