A Breif Moment of Recollection
I’ve been here before. When I first started Drunkless I’d find myself at this very location, in this exact spot, typing away in the yellow glow of the street lamp mixed with the blue hue of the monitor screen. It’s kind of a thing for me and the portable Drunkless HQ. I couldn’t say how many hours I’ve sat here, working on writings, the website, audio or video files, or even just drawing. It seems kind of crazy that I’ve actually been doing this since about mid-October of 2015!
I finished up my homework (seeing how I am in college now – I know, crazy, isn’t it?), and the coffee shop I was visiting was closing, so I needed a new quiet place to go. Since I was already on the move, I headed downtown towards another coffee shop I frequented a lot as Drunkless birthed. As I neared the location in the rainy night, something tugged at me and directed me back to this place. I’d forgotten how good the spot was. The only noises around me are the pitter-patter of rain teasing the windshield wipers, and the windshield wipers intermittently protesting with a “skwhuh-ttttt” as they raced across the glass to whisk the water away. Occasionally I’ll hear folks getting into their car as they discuss their latest shopping adventure, and I might even hear a horn or two, but for the most part, it’s quite peaceful here. I nearly forgot how nice this was, and as spring and summer approach, I’m getting excited about hanging out here and getting some drawings in. It’s strange, but I have actually built up some good memories since I began my recovery.
I never thought I’d have good memories again. After the hell I lived in my alcoholism, the pressure of trying to survive an un-survivable circumstance, and then trying to die in a circumstance that wouldn’t let me end, I thought for certain that I’d destroyed all chances of a real, honest-to-god good smile. A smile from the heart, a laugh from the soul. A memory sweet enough that I’d want to actually return, such as I have this evening. But it happened. I have indeed found a wonderful, warm memory (even on such a cold, wet night as tonight) that I am very grateful to have found! I feel like I am at home, in a place of comfort and serenity with a feeling of happiness I once thought had evaded me. I’m healing. My mind, my body, my soul. It is in moments like these that I try to sit back and absorb the tranquility that has surrounding my Now. It is moments just like this that make me thankful that I am alive.
On an outreach note:
Whether you’re early in recovery, or you're just in a slump, and you’re worried about finding your peaceful moments or memories, just stop. Put your hands on your tummy, breathe – feel your belly fill up, then feel it empty as you exhale. Just like your living breath—with every in, there must be an out—it’s the same with Life; for every down, there must be an up. Your time will come if you’re willing to be patient and work through your journey, one step at a time, moment by moment, for just today. Don’t be discouraged. It can come to fruition. I promise.