Upon coming into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, my soul was crushed. It was broken up in a million pieces for a million reasons. One of the devastating effects of this was a super low self image. I hated who I was. I hated everything I did. I was at a self-esteem rock bottom. All I wanted was to be loved, cared for and appreciated. I was unable to love myself so I looked to others for that validation.
And boy did I get it! During my first moments in Alcoholics Anonymous, I was a superstar! I was welcomed and embraced by all in the rooms. To be completely honest, that is probably what kept me there in the beginning. People saw me as a hurt, broken newcomer and surrounded me like we do when someone first comes in. So I soaked up all the attention, loving every minute of it. But like all outside resources, this didn't last. I needed more. I wanted to be the best. I wanted to be someone's one and only. I wanted to be the brightest shining star in someone's life. Looking back now, I get how unrealistic that is. No one can expect that-not even from a parent, child or lover. But I still wanted it. I needed to feel special. I kept telling myself I was God's one and only-but that just wasn't cutting it.
Then came the glorious day when it all came together-like it always does. I realized whose one and only I was.
Yes you reading this right now. I am yours, his, hers and theirs. I am everyone's one and only because there is only one me! A lot of people may be similar to me, but none exactly like me. Out of the billions of people who have ever lived, and ever will, I am the only one who is me and that counts for something. I am special. I am unique. I am the world's one and only. And guess what? YOU ARE TOO!
I do it because it works.
I do it because I live a life of recovery