Making mistakes is something everybody does, learning from them is not!
There definitely are times where I feel remorse for the things that I've done in my past. The people that I've hurt in my life because of my addiction is atrocious to me today. Throughout my addiction I judged myself based on my intentions, while the world judge me based on my actions. That means was delusional!!! I thought I was such a great guy. I knew a couple scriptures from the Bible. My parents taught me about chivalry
In thinking about this today I can't believe that I thought I was a man of character.(completely delusional) I had great ideas on how to be a good person but my actions matched none of my ideas. I remember someone saying to me.
"your actions are so loud I can barely hear your words."
That cut pretty deep & I was appalled that they would say something like that to me. But when the day came that I actually looked at what they were saying, I realized they were right!
The ninth step in AA is: "We made direct amends to such people, except when to do so would injure them or others."
That step has nothing to do with saying sorry. Instead it has everything to do with rectifying the wrong we've done and changing our behavior. I work pretty hard on not creating new wreckage & also on having my actions match my words. Im human & that means once & awhile my actions don't match my words & I still create wreckage. But today I do my best to rectify that as quickly as possible & see the value of my mistakes.
Recovery for me today is about learning how to live life in a new way. Allowing God to direct my life, as well as change my thinking. While I make mistakes, I'm nowhere near the man that I once was. Thank God!!!!!!!!!!!!
Until next time