I woke up this morning drowning in foul-mood. Not so much the cranky variety, more of the overly-depressed kind. I felt -- I don't know, abandoned again. Alone and lonely. This is an old feeling that stretches way back to when I was younger, and everyone I knew just seemed to disappear. As I go through my recovery process, I realize that this was compounded by the relationship, and eventual death, of my late wife, a friendship/hate/love story I'll get into at another time.
So I was just -- depressed, I guess. I sent an email to my boss to let him know I was "sick" today, which I was, in sorts. I pulled the covers over my head and wanted the world to just disappear -- or for me to. Eventually, I fell into to a restless, uneasy sleep.
About five hours later, I woke up. I was feeling physically better, but still drained, both emotionally and mentally. For the next hour or so, I sat on the edge of my bed, praying, releasing, and meditating -- something had to snap me out of the funk I was in; I was just miserable.
Eventually, I decided I just needed to get out of the house. The sun was shining beautifully outside, so I decided to grab my camera bag and head out to the park. When I arrived, I decided to listen to an audiobook named Fear, by Thick Nhat Hanh. Great book, by the way. I listened to one track, and just as the next one started, I received an email.
It was another Guest Blog submission! As I read the email, I realized that something had gone wrong with the process, as only part of the blog had been submitted. This wouldn't do, no no! I stopped the audio track, and headed down to my normal coffee shop so I could get on my laptop to investigate.
Suddenly, my mind began thinking about how to help this person get their story out. From what little I could read of it, it was a very positive change in their life! This had to be told! People could see that it was possible!
When I arrived, I began working on the website, checking it, to make sure that it wasn't something on our end that caused the issue. I still don't know for sure, but it doesn't look like anything on our side. At any rate, I redesigned the submission page so it will be a little more intuitive, I hope.
As I am working on this, I'm thinking about AF, wondering if I should give her a call. I don't think she worked today, and I was thinking maybe of grabbing some dinner with her if she wanted to. Meanwhile, I received a text from another friend of mine, who I'd met through AF. I'll refer to her as HW. I'd actually met HW about a year prior to re-meeting her through AF. She was a guest on a local show that I had privy to assist with. I had just started doing that kind of thing, so I didn't record or edit anything, but it was a good learning experience for me. More to my point, HW was needing some help with some blogging, and I'd offered to assist with that quite some time back, so she was now requesting my help.
Now, let me stop right about here for a minute. This is where I begin to glow. No, not the blogging thing. The helping thing. When I can be of use, I begin to feel a LOT better. This is also where my positive attitude starts to really shine.
When I was much younger, I was a very positive kid. I know this because people I knew back then have told me so. It was the bitterness of my Jr. High, High School, young adult, and married life that sucked me bone dry of positivity. And if it weren't for the awesome people in my life that I've met in my last two years, I'd still be this dried-up sap, cranky about everything in life.
But it's people like ZJ, and AF, and MB that have helped me remember to be positive.
What? MB? Oh, ya -- MB. I met MB roughly a year ago, too. She founded an activities group that changed my life. When I thought that all that was left was misery in recovery, I discovered her group through a couple of mutual friends, and was assigned a task that made me grow. In fact, it was her very request that led me to do what I am doing NOW. I'll try to remember to blog about this story (maybe tomorrow? We'll see how it goes), because it is a good story, and it truly did save my life, again. Okay, back on track...
It is people like them that have led me to positive thought. And the positive thoughts are keeping me alive. And now, HW, the person I met (or re-met) through AF, is working on getting a blog going, and so here we are. Well, now I feel repetitious in my story, so let's just move on.
So today, I spent a couple of hours with HW, and we're getting her setup to blog. This is very exciting, and each time I get to assist someone with blogging, it makes me super happy. She's really excited to get a spot on the Internet, too.
And to top it all off, I had a short conversation with MB over a facebook chat as well! This day has just gone from the trough to the peak. Tomorrow, I meet with AF for a little bit, so I'll get to spend a little time with her, which makes me happy.
I'm just going to bed in a much different mood than I woke up in this morning; day and night.
I have so much to tell about the people in my life, and specifically the aforementioned ones. I just can't get enough said about them. The problem is, anonymity. I have to remember that I can't say too much, as their stories will be dead giveaways for those that know them. Or, maybe I'm making too big a deal out of the anonymity thing. I don't know. I'll ponder that one for a while.
I guess my real point to this meandering, semi-topic-less blog is, I'm so thankful for the people I've met in my sobriety because through them, I've learned how to find the positive in life again (thought very difficult at times); and where I can't always find it, it is now comes to me when I need it, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. It is true about the Law of Attraction.
In the years of my soaked-alcoholism, I didn't think it was possible to have positivity search me out, and find me. I thought it was a hopeless and pointless chase -- but I was wrong. All of the 12-Step programs, the counseling, the treatment center, and the social activities and projects I've done have led me to the people that help me see the light on a daily basis. And when I give back to them in some way, I feel good. I feel useful. I feel like a friend, what friends are supposed to do -- care and love one another, take care of each other -- help each other.
To all my friends: Thank you.