I'm sitting here at a church, with about eighty-plus other people who are playing poker, watching the Super Bowl, and eating chili from a chili contest. There's a lot of people here with major gas potential, and sitting amongst them is causing me some grief -- for no other reason than it's me, no ventilation required just yet -- so I'm removing myself from the furiosity to the foyer's waiting area. Maybe it will be quiet enough to do some reading and/or writing.
I am currently reading from a book I've recently mentioned before, Drop the Rock, which AF recommended (as do I, especially for people hitting Steps Six and Seven for the first time, or second, third, ah hell -- anytime). As I get settled into the chair, I opt to begin my blog now so I won't be up all night. As I type on my iPhone, I realize just how glad I am that I decided to step away from the party; there are simply too many people! But inside, a piece of me wishes I was able to stay put and just sit with everyone, "enjoying" all the people. It's that nervousness that I get, the overwhelming urge to run away from crowds; it spins me off and I get irritable, I can't pay attention to others, and my mind begins to go places I'd rather not mention at this time.
Damn character defects. If it's not one thing, it's another. Speaking of character defects...
I'm on the chapter discussing Step Seven, and the removal of character defects; asking Him to "remove our shortcomings." It also touches on believing, trust & faith, asking (praying), contemplation, release, and meditation (listening). It discusses earnest and meaningful intent on the request, as well as our willingness to believe it.
It further explains accountability. Accountability for our own actions; the very things we do after we pray for the removal of said character defects, which is proceeded only by the action of deciding to be "entirely ready." But in order for the Creator to remove these defects, two things must happen:
- We have to be willing enough to ask
- We have to be trained to use the defect as an asset; or taught how to use an all-new asset.
Interestingly, in order for part one to be effective and part two to begin, we must stop practicing our old defect, and start practicing the asset, whether repurposed or new.
“God can’t help us remove our character defects if we keep practicing them.*”
This makes complete sense!
This is where we become accountable; to accept responsibility for our own actions, and stop doing what we want to change, and start doing what we want to change into.
I'm going to cut this blog really short so I can go back into that huge crowd of strangers, nervous or not, and I'm going to discontinuing practicing these isolation, irritability, and inattentiveness character defects, and begin practicing them as the assets I want so badly, wether repurposed or replaced.
Meanwhile, I'll be practicing a mindful-meditation technique taught by Thich Nhat Hanh and breathing in, "I have arrived," then breathing out, "I am home."
Let the training begin...
*Excerpt From: Bill P., Todd W. & Sara S. “Drop the Rock.” Hazelden, 2005.