What a great evening -- and yet another reminder as to why I don't drink.
I drove down to the park today to work on my fourth step. Ugh. This is the fourth time I've done this, and each time, I find it just as frustrating and difficult. But this time -- I just pushed through it. <sigh> So many questions about how I'm doing it, it is just so frustrating to me.
There's a local group that holds sober activities with the university's sober active group, and I remembered they were going to have a tailgating party. I decided to go there, because it wasn't that far away, and I figured I could ask one of my friends that I knew was attending what he thought about working the step.
Essentially, I am trying too hard. He suggested that I start with the basics, and only with what pertains to my alcoholism. He then stated that more will come when it is time.
The tailgating party ended up moving. We looked for a restaurant with a TV, and wound up at a place where another friend of mine works. She's also in recovery, and she's a bar tender. That's entirely beside the point, I guess, but I wanted to throw that in. Anyway, this place had a huge tent in the parking lot where there were two large screen TVs, and a bunch of drunks. It was GREAT! And it reminded me why I don't ever want to ingest alcohol again! Holy crap! The stuff that came out of peoples mouths!
This is the fourth time in my sobriety that I have been around drunk people, and every time it has been with a number of sober people who have some serious time under their belts. This isn't something I would ever attempt on my own, not without support, just because I like that safety net (needed or not).
I got a lot accomplished today. Not stuff that I wanted to do, but stuff that was important. My fourth step is written (again, but this time I think closer to what I need), and I was able to enjoy some time with friends in a way that I didn't think I would ever be able to.
I'm learning stuff. I am really learning stuff.
Gratitude - Day 14 (Saturday (early Sunday AM))
I'm grateful for these reminders. In my early sobriety, just the smell of alcohol (any kind) would have triggered me urgently, and I would have started shaking and craving. But it doesn't now, and seeing how people act when drunk really just made me grateful that I am no longer drinking. Good for them that they can do it and be okay with a godawful hangover the next day. Me? I'm going to wake up tomorrow, refreshed and ready to take my day.