Visited my home group again tonight. It was the first time in nearly a month. I'm beginning to understand why they call it "home" group, rather than somethings as impersonal as "base" or "HQ" or what have you.
I didn't realize how much I needed that group until tonight. Don't get me wrong, the buddhist meditation I've been practicing in place of my group has been great, and I'll continue to go there and practice it, but I need my home group, too. It's going to be a balancing act, because I really didn't want to miss my meditation tonight -- but something compelled me to go "home." I'm not sure why. I mean, the message was good, but it was nothing that really knocked it out of the park -- not for me, anyway. I guess that's part of the trick; sometimes, we'll never know who's affected by what is said.
I guess it was partially because I just don't want to forget where I was at. I am TERRIFIED of going back to where I came from. But I can see the progress I've made in my recovery! I'm not just talking physical, spiritual, verbal, or social, either. My mental clarity has improved tremendously, my ability to see the "hole" coming (and use the skills I've learned to avoid it), and the ability to STOP and respond, vs react (a work in progress), have all taken root; as shallow as they may be -- it's a start.
All of the support I seek from meditation and other groups (counseling, sober social activities) are beneficial in many ways of their own, and even overlap with my recovery groups, but they just aren't the same. There is just something about hanging out with alcoholics, the people that understand alcoholism, that no one else can comprehend; they just "get it."
I never thought I'd say this at any point in my life, but:
I need these messed up people. They're teaching me to live Life, on Life's terms.
Gratitude - Day 19 (Thursday)
I am so thankful that the fear I used to have just walking into a room of even two people, has pretty much disappeared. I still get anxious a bit if it is an unknown situation -- but, I know I can handle it. That's why I've agreed to take on chairing a meeting for a while. Because I can. Besides, the doors HAVE TO stay opened. It is the right thing to do. There is someone out there that will need the one thing that meeting will have to offer -- even if it is only for the night. I may never know it, but they certainly will.