Happy Thanksgiving! Okay, I know it's a quarter to midnight (as I write this, anyway), but I was pretty busy all day.
The day went rather smoothly, too. I hear all of the time about families getting together, and fighting and yelling, etc. I'm quite blessed with a family that "just gets along." We really do. I can think of maybe two incidents in my entire life where my family had some kind of "fight" during any holiday, and usually that was just someone getting upset, and people leaving pretty quietly. Anyway, to my point, my family gets along very well, and for that, I am grateful.
But being around my family makes me lonely. I see everyone with someone, either a spouse/girlfriend, or with a kid. And then there's me. <sigh> I won't dwell on this, it just crossed my mind, so I'm typing it in. This is a personal blog, after all, and that is something that has affected me today -- pretty badly.
It is this very feeling that got me into trouble many, many years ago, which started the entire process of my drinking career. It is also that very feeling that made me want to be done with life. It's a huge struggle for me, actually, and though I don't desire to drink or have the urges to drink, I truly wonder sometimes if that's the only way I'm going to get away from the pains I feel.
But I know the end result. And it won't be a good one. You see, I don't *want* the same ending I used to. Rather, I *desire* to live and be free until the day my life-cycle ends. I just hope that it won't be like I've always remembered it, even years before I began to drink.
Sorry for the moment of depression. I try very hard to keep this post positive, and hopeful/inspirational, if not even a bit informative. But I will reiterate, this is a personal, daily blog, and this is why I really started it -- to journal my daily life. I'm just trying to get more comfortable with being this open, and I have a hard time doing it -- even though I am anonymous to you guys. It scares me still, whether or not it should.
<deep breath, refocus>
I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday! With the exception of the above, mine went very well. It was truly good, and I love my family very much.
Gratitude - Day 26 (Thursday - Thanksgiving!)
My family and my friends.