Well, doesn't that just stink!
I had a post all typed up last night, ready to go -- all I had to do was hit that Publish button. <knuckle cracking, finger poised> But, I hesitated. Something else was going on in my head, something distracting.
My attention withdrew from my intent as my mind began to wander. I've had a lot of that again lately, Left Side fighting with Right Side. I hate those guys sometimes. The distance and loneliness is coming back, and they feed on it -- it kills me. I can't stand that feeling at all. I'd rather be afraid or sad than lonely. I'm trying, desperately, to do things with other people so they won't argue so damn much, but sometimes, the crowds just seems to make it worse.
So I continued about my night, getting some laundry done, working on the new and (possibly) upcoming website, and preparing for bed and some much needed rest.
With a yawn, a stretch, and a few gulps of water, it was lights out, and I was down.
And just ... as I .... began ....... to.... fall ... asleep............
'Did I post that tonight?'
'I'm sure you did, but maybe you didn't -- just hush it and roll over, you're dreaming.'
'No -- I think i forgot to post it -- you trying to stop me?'
'Hmm... well, it's late at night, you're a dope, and you're probably just dreaming.'
'I suppose you could be right. and i'm not a dope. leave me alone'
'hey, you're the one that asked me, I was nearly asleep!'
'No, I think you brought it up...'
'Shhhhhh... It's all good... (even if you did forget, which I think you might have).'
'(uh, nothing -- go to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep)'
Well, I guess I did forget.
So, in light of that, I'm not going ANYWHERE until I get this post done, with two different gratitude statements -- period! Ha!
Speaking of gratitude (I'll use this for #1 - Day 15, Sunday):
I got a lot done at work today. Two of my coworkers are out of town on business again this week, making us three guys short (because the third guy left the company a week ago), but it was relatively quiet. It's one of those days that, even though there were interruptions, I just kept plugging away, and before I knew it, it was time to go.
There is one downer to this day, though -- I found out I'm on-call this week. On-call is tough, because it's a 24/7 for the next seven days. I don't know how I managed to do that while I was drunk. I just can't comprehend that nowadays (yay!). So, while this is a "downer," it is also an "upper," because I can actually *handle* being on-call. It still sucks, but hey -- it's a good job, and on-call only comes around about every six or seven weeks.
Gratitude - Day 16 (Monday)
I've said it before in my blogs, and I'm going to reiterate it once again, because it is speckled throughout my new life:
This is pretty new to me, having "friends." Note that it is plural, not singular.
When I was younger, I was more than happy with having A FRIEND, even though we argued about everything under the sun; at least I wasn't alone. But those days dissolved away with my marriage and alcoholism, leaving me friendless after my wife's death.
But today, I'm learning about the Bucket-o-Friends, where I can reach in and grab out anyone of them. Never know who I'm gonna get, but I'll get one.
Still, that's not quite the same as the one or two close friends that are helping you CARRY the bucket (because buckets full of friends can get quite heavy). I am grateful for the bucket -- but more so, for those that help me carry it. wink emoticon