Daily Life

Accepting Incompleteness

By: DL

Well, yesterday turned out to be quite the day. I didn't get home until so late last night (this morning) that I opted to skip my blog for the day, I was just too tired.

I'm having a hell of a day today, too. I hate weekends. But last night, at the last minute, things came together, and I met with some friends. We watched the lighting of the tree downtown. It was FREEZING cold, but I didn't care, because I wasn't alone and in my head.

But as the day ended, I left the night with a cliff hanger, incomplete in more ways that I cared for.

I can't write about it in the blog, because the person that I spoke with confided in me about somethings that are solely theirs to tell, and I appreciate and respect that, so it will stay with me. Nonetheless, there were conversations that were had that I feel are, well -- incomplete. It's killing me, and I want resolution to them, regardless as to how small they may or may not be.

<sigh>

This is where I have to learn to accept. The fact is, I simply don't know when, if ever, I'll get answers to the questions I have. It could be later this evening, or never. I can't get these things out of my head.

I hate the not-knowing. The being unaware and unsure of things. I hate it. I'd rather know the outcome so I can simply deal with it, even if it is bad, but I can't know, and that's a hard thing for me to learn.

i don't feel like writing anymore tonight. I'm going to end this early, I think.

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Gratitude - Day 29 (Sunday)

Firstly, I had a great time last night. It ended in an uneasy, unsure way, but I had a wonderful time, though nervous as hell.

Secondly, I talked (via text) to my late wife's oldest son today. He just got out of prison Friday. He's nervous and scared of the change, but he seemed okay. Hard to tell when texting, but it was good to hear from him. I have high hopes for him.

Namasté

 

Drunkless Life