The Dali Lama said "We can never make peace in the outer world until we make peace in ourselves"
For a better portion of my life I've always tried to fill that God shaped hole inside of me with money, drugs, friends. The list could go on and on. I can remember thinking if I only had the right girlfriend I'd be happy. None of those things ever did the trick though. They might have brought me a temporary fix. But the lasting joy was never there. I would get that amazing girlfriend. I thought she would fix me but I still wasn't happy. It had nothing to do with her. Its taking me many, many years to figure out -It's an inside job!!! Now don't get me wrong. All of those things are nice. Of course! We want to have a nice car, great friends a wonderful lover. But if I'm not at peace in myself none of those things mean anything! The beauty is lost to me. When I was a child I was molested. I carried that event with me for a long time. There was so much pain from that experience!!! The pain turned into hatred in my heart and fueled my negative view of myself, which then fueled my addiction. Through the process of the 12 steps I worked through that event. Now I will tell you this, it wasn't easy! By no means was it easy. But I'm so thankful that I was willing to do the work. The 9th step promises from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous say.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Absolutely amazing and true. I've made peace with that experience & so many others. I do not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. Now and again I still try to fill that hole with things and people (I am human after all) but it's less and less the closer I get to God!
Until next time