On Mondays, I go to a Native American 12-step program. It’s very class-like in many ways, which I appreciate a lot. But it is also “support group” like, in that when there is time, we go around the room and talk. I HATE talking in groups, but I do it because — well, I know I need it. But that’s a story for another time.
Tonight, we began to discuss the third step. Anyone unfamiliar with the third step can familiarize themselves with it by visiting any 12-step meeting, from Y12SR, to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), to a White Bison sponsored group (such as the Medicine Wheel), or a religious 12-step program like Celebrate Recovery. These are all fine programs, most of which I either regularly attend, or have attended in the past.
More to my point:
The third step suggests that we give up our will to our Higher Power.
“What will?” I sarcastically asked myself. “I gave that up as a kid so many years ago, I have nothing left to give this “God” character.”
And it is true. I did that many, many years ago, from a young, little child, all the way through to my young adulthood; when I decided it didn’t do any good anymore. I was a broken spirited steed. A puppet. I had no more will, and therefore, I had nothing left to give to a Higher Power of any kind.
After the meeting tonight, a friend of mine sat and talked to me for just a minute. I won’t get into the conversation, but shortly after she left, I began thinking about why I was where I was at in my life. What was holding me back on my journey?
When I sat down to write tonight, THREE HOURS AGO, I was frustrated about this “giving our HP our will.” Maybe even so far as to say resentful. I had given this “God” guy all of my will years and years ago! Am I being told that all this time I was keeping my will from God?! How dare anyone suggest that! They don’t know what I’ve been through!
And then, CLICK!
Maybe, just MAYBE, giving my will over to my Higher Power means to accept things as they are. Maybe it means that I just accept the Circle of Life. Maybe it simply means: acceptance.
By giving my will over to God, I accept the things that simply ARE. Leaves will turn. Rains will come and go. The Sun will warm, the Snow will store water. People will love me, people will hate me. My will has no affect on any of these things. None. And the very act of accepting that these things are going to happen, whether or not I like or want them to, is the act of giving my will to my Higher Power. I cannot "will" nature to stop growing! I cannot stop the Sun from moving (contrary to popular biblical stories)! I cannot bring someone back from the dead. I cannot make someone love me.
I don’t know if God “can” or “can’t.” What I do know is, these things are going to happen, all of them at some point, and I just need to accept that. And in my acceptance of Life, I hand over my will to my Higher Power.
Gratitude - Day 2 (Monday)
I am grateful for my job, for the roof it puts over my head, and for the transportation it allows me to afford. It may seem a bit off topic, but it’s not, because I accept that the people at my work will be who they are — a person, just like me, trying to make a living and navigating through this sea we call life.
I hope you’ve found something to be grateful for, too.
And thanks for the comments! Warms my heart to see #FamilyLove.