Oh the acrobat I once was. All the effort I put forth to make sure that I had a way to get what I needed — alcohol.
It was a balancing act. One where I weighed the cost of time, money, and safety — against alcohol. My family — against alcohol. I was a champ in my own mind, The Great Balancer. I could put anything on the scale, weigh the costs, and still get my liquor. I had little regard for the affects on family, bills, and others.
In my early recovery, my initial reaction was to overcompensate for what I had been doing. I hit TONS OF MEETINGS. That’s what I needed at first, meetings on a daily basis, during my worst cravings. Many times I did multiple meetings in a day. That is what it takes sometimes to recalibrate our mental scales; to bring us back to level.
As I sobered up and became more solid in my recovery, I began to to teeter too far to the other side. The meetings became cumbersome and meaningless, and I was losing interest in my recovery. I had to scale back and change things up. Instead of the same kinds of 12-step meetings, I began to explore and expand. I met knew people, found other types of support, and began exploring a schedule with sober activities, meetings, and alone time.
Today, I try to find balance in my sobriety that makes sense. But balance is a hard thing to achieve. Most of us will never perfectly balance our lives, not for lack of trying, but because there is no such thing. We have mental health, emotional health, social health, spiritual health, and pure-and-simple self-care. If we aren’t properly balanced in all these areas, we can find ourselves overwhelmed with meetings and other obligations (work, family, friends, etc.).
I find I am constantly adjusting. I hit about three to four meetings a week now, sometimes more, sometimes less, but pretty consistently three to four. It works for me at this point. Eventually, it will need adjusted. Maybe in a month, maybe tomorrow, I simply don’t know. But if I walk a good recovery, right now, then I’ll see these things as they happen, and I’ll be able to catch myself — and balance.
A solid recovery comes to those that know recovery is fluid. Balance is always relative to what is going on in our lives.
Gratitude - Day 3 (Tuesday)
Today was a very good day for me. I’m grateful for the balance I’ve found in this day. The oldest daughter got into town today, and we have a great relationship. In fact, we plan on spending some time together on Friday. I’m happy for that! I’m very proud of her, she’s a wonderful mother to her children.
I hope your day today/tomorrow goes as well as mine did today.