I've been working so hard on my blog website, I almost forgot to blog something on Facebook!
That's right, I'm toying with the idea of creating a website for blogging. That site will contain longer, more detailed or specific blogs than my facebook page. If I do decide to create such a site, I'll let everyone know. Meanwhile, I will continue daily blogs here, even after the site is up and running.
That's what I spent the majority of my day on. I did take a break to go to a12-step yoga class. I am glad I did. Tonight was about opening up our heart (front and back), and we were asked a question at the end of the "support" piece, just before the exercise practice:
"What would you be if fear was not in your way?"
As we complete the yoga/exercise piece, we do a final bit of meditation. I'm not sure how long this part is, five, maybe ten minutes, but it always goes by like a flash -- or, almost always. Except for tonight -- the strangest thing happened to me during this time.
I was lying with my back to the ground, hands, arms, legs, and feet in full contact with the cement floor. I suddenly was somewhere else. I knew that couldn't happen, and I tried to bring myself back to reality; like I'm learning to do with meditation, focus on breathing and stay within the walls. But that didn't work. I was not there; and where I was at, I didn't care for.
I began to feel this struggle, an argument almost. I couldn't figure out with who or what, but it was getting deeper and was becoming quite troublesome as I could feel something inside me welling up. I want to say anger, but it wasn't anger. I could almost call it sadness, but I wasn't sad. I just don't know what to call it, honestly. But it was growing.
Never in my two years sober have I been more grateful for the sound of the singing Tibetan Buddha bowl. That harmonious, deep ringing was like a life line, pulling me quickly back to reality. It was simply amazing. I had gone from battling something entirely unknown, to being sucked right back into now. I have no idea how to describe what happened to me, or where I was at -- but it was terrifyingly wonderful. It was such a relief that it wasn't "real."
Gratitude - Day 8 (Sunday)
I'm grateful that I've been able to talk myself out of depression lately. I realize that this won't always be the case, but the fact of the matter is, I'm getting *better* at it. Several times today, I would begin to sink, but I somehow managed to recognize that deep hole, and avoid it. More than just once today, all day long I've been avoiding it. I'm just so happy that I was able to recognize it, face it, deal with it, and move away from it.
Makes me wonder what is going on inside my head when I can avoid all those holes, but then I do like I did at yoga this evening. But I've got some people I want to talk to about that. Now, if I can just remember...