Today was a very good day. It wasn’t “tip-top” great, but it also wasn’t “in the pits.” It was just “good.”
It’s funny, because I used to want better than good, I wanted great! But I didn’t get great today, I got good. And guess what?
I’m okay with that! I am more than okay with that!
You see, I didn’t wake up wanting to be dead. I didn’t “come-to” sitting in front of my computer while at work, wondering how many people I’d spoken with or what projects I was supposed to be working on. I didn’t have to hide the scent of vodka on my breath, or oozing from my pores. I didn’t have to worry about going through the shakes, and craving the perpetually problematic-fix.
Nor did I have to bother with who-I-was-going-to-lie-to-about-some-out-of-proportion-problem-in-order-to-borrow-enough-money-to-buy-just-enough-gas-so-I-could-race-to-the-liquor-store-down-street-hoping-I-wouldn’t-get-pulled-over; forget about the ticket – I had to get to the store before it closed!
I didn’t skip my dinner because I wanted to get drunk faster, and I didn’t think everyone was stealing my liquor because I drank more of it faster than I did the night before. I didn’t go to bed loathing myself, dream of killing myself, and the following morning – hating myself because I wasn’t dead.
This morning, I do remember contemplating and praying and releasing and meditating. I remember feeling warm inside, and out. I remember sharing. I remember giving. I remember being compassionate and caring and loving and being at ease for a change. I remember walking the steps. And I remember being okay with an undefined Higher Power for once in my life. I remember who I was, who I am, and who I strive to be. I do remember these things – because I can.
Today was a very good day. I’m okay with that.