I'm supposed to be packing my car for a nice, long drive.
In the back of my head, I've had this nagging, dangerous thought:
"You'll be alone. No one would ever know."
Except, there's a problem with that. In the past, I would have agreed, "No one" would ever know. However, today, I think I am someone, and therefore, **someone** WOULD know.
I always worry about it, because I hear the horror stories in some of the anonymous twelve step programs I go to; how they spent so many years sober, only to fall back to the bottle.
I expressed this concern to a friend of mine, and she reminded me:
"Bottom line...if you want to drink you will. Trip or no trip"
That was a relief to hear, actually. I'm not bound by the fears of others' failures. Just because they did, doesn't mean that I WILL. Does this mean I am free and clear, and I should never concern myself with it again? No! Of course not! That would be absurd. But what it does mean is this: I don't have to. That is tomorrows worry. Today? Today I will not drink. Tomorrow, I might - but that's tomorrow. Besides, I don’t want to drink. In fact, I **want** to NOT DRINK (if the distinction can be made).
I can't be more thankful for the people I've met since I've sobered up than I am right now.
I guess I should finish packing my car - 4:00 AM comes awfully early on only four hours of sleep.