Drunkless

Letting others see in, so we can see out.

We are Recovering alcoholics and addicts, and these are mini-chapters of our lives. Here, we are learning to live a life of choice; we're learning to live Drunkless.

We'll share in our writings, in our podcasts, in our photos, art, and music -- our creativity will show who we are, what we're going through, and how we make it -- 24 hours at a time.

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Nervousness...

By: DL

I've been feeling this unfounded angst today - about my ability to do this trip alone, leaving behind family that I know need me, and that deep down, homesick feeling I used to feel all of the time as a kid. I shouldn't be feeling like this, I've done this before - but it was for my job. In that perspective, it was doing something for my family, not myself.

This is the first time I've done anything like this, FOR ME. And it is causing me some grief, truthfully. Let me explain my current situation some:

After my wife passed away, I had a younger brother that needed assistance. He'd run into some troubles of his own, so I asked him to come home with his son, and I'd help him where I could. That was roughly six months after my wife died.

For about ten months, we lived in the same, tiny apartment that my wife and I lived in. It was too stressful because my nephew had just turned three - if you've got kids, you'll know what I'm talking about. Meanwhile, during this time, my older brother had run into issues with a trailer/mobile home that he and I had bought fifteen-plus years prior. The roof and floors were falling through, the heater quit working (amongst other things), and he needed to get out of there.

So we all moved into a large house together. Again, I found myself holding together a family, as unorthodox as it was. I felt that I was once again useful to society (all except for the drinking piece). I was needed.

This is where my issues lie this next week. When I leave for my vacation - alone - I feel like I'm leaving everyone hanging. What will they do without me? Who will take care of my now eight year old nephew when his father goes to work? What if something happens and I can't BE THERE?

Tonight, I went to a 12 step yoga practice. I love that practice. Our first half (roughly 40 to 50 minutes) we talk about things in our life, just like any other 12 step program does. But in the second half, we yoga! It's not the super hard, pretzelly type, though there is stretching in some pretty unconventional ways (it is tough), but I always feel good afterwards. Stretched, and worked over.
To my point: During the discussion portion of the meeting, I expressed my concern about feeling like I'm leaving my family to fend for themselves. I was quickly - gently - reminded that, "They can take care of themselves."

It's true, I suppose. They really can. I don't have to rescue them every time something "bad" happens! They can, and should be ALLOWED, to do what they need to do. And they are trying - I'm just not letting go.

That's what this trip is all about for me. Getting away, not just so I can enjoy time with myself, but so that I can learn to LET IT GO.

I saw a post on FB the other day, I don't remember where from, but it summed it up something like this:

Ego self: When everything is aligned, I'll find peace.
Spiritual self: When I find peace, everything will align.

I never realized how egotistical I was, how controlling I am, and how tightly I hold onto the idea that things will fall apart without me. I need to let it go. I WANT to let it go.

I guess I just need to take care of myself. The rest will follow.

Namasté

 

Drunkless Life

Be Positive. Be Compassionate. Be Love. Be Spiritual. Be Life. Just BE.

Drunkless does not intended to diagnose, treat, or resolve any alcoholic or addiction condition in any way, shape or form.  Drunkless deals primarily with chemical addictions and aims to share the experience, strength, and hope of our bloggers, podcasters, and associated guests and visitors.  Though we recognize and realize that there are many forms of addiction and mental disorders, we are not experienced nor educated in ways where we can advise or give feedback on many of them.  As such, it is up to our visitors to discern the differences and to take appropriate action to seek help for themselves or loved ones.  However, we do hope to provide a glimpse into the correlation between some of them and hopefully allow someone a "one-up" on getting help before it becomes life threatening -- after all, that is our goal -- to provide hope where we can, and possibly save a life.

The authors, podcasters, artists, creativists, and other "hosts" on this site do it therapeutically, educationally, inspirationally, and to share their experience, strength and hope, as well as for entertainment... After all, we are not a glum lot.

Drunkess™ does not endorse nor support any one kind of recovery path, it supports all forms of recovery if the path is healthy, positive, and leads to the light.
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