I’ve been slacking on my blogging because I’ve been busy with step work. My sponsor is actually having me work on stuff, and it has been taking some time. I’m glad for that.
I had a good blog typed up on my laptop, and I was pretty excited about sharing it. I left to go help AF with something, and then came home to transfer and complete the blog on my desktop computer.
When I opened the laptop up, I proceeded to clear out some things that I’d had opened from working on AF’s stuff, and I saw an auto recovery document. Thinking it was strange, I decided to view it. The first line looked familiar, but I recalled it being a previous document for something entirely different, so I closed it, without saving it, because I wasn’t too worried about it – and then I realized what it was.
In the past, this would have really made me angry. I would have fumed about it for quite some time (days in some cases), but then would have done nothing about it. But I’m not that guy any more, hence this very blog. Now I don’t have the time required to punch out a nice, long blog with something substantial to say; but I can say that I am, once again, noticing a huge change in me. Things are happening.
But I still have my bad days, and today was no exception. I found myself wallowing again, and I didn’t realize it until much later. I pounded out an email to my counselor, sent it, and then began to shake it off. That’s what writing does for me, slows my mind down and helps me think things out. An hour or so later, I sent an apology letter to my counselor for my highly intense rant. She responded, as usual, highly appropriately:
“Slow down - stay in the moment, be compassionate with yourself… … I will see you tomorrow and look forward to it.”
This poor lady has heard more crap come from me than she deserves, but she reminded me one day after an apology, “I’m a big girl, and this is my chosen profession.”
I decided I needed out of the house, so I packed up my cameras and my laptop (like I always do), and I headed out. I drove to a nearby park, and sat in the parking lot. It was just the right time of day, too. The clouds had dissipated, the sun was just going down, and the light was just beginning to turn the deep yellow, orange color that it does as it sinks. I opened my sunroof and took a snap-shot with my iPhone from the top. I was at peace, and I began to blog – which, as I’ve stated, I also deleted. Ugh.
But in the end, the day went very well. I was able to go help a good friend of mine with something she needed help with, and afterwards, we ran to grab a bite to eat, and then I headed home. I felt good, like I’d accomplished something today. I had a purpose, and I fulfilled it.
Is this how it is going to be? Needing a purpose and fulfilling it, daily? I kinda hope so. The other day my sponsor told me something I really, really needed to hear:
“Being of service doesn’t mean only for alcoholic reasons, or only for alcoholics; it means for any reason, for anyone, alcoholic or not.”
I guess I knew this, but all I heard from The Rooms was to help another alcoholic – and although that is our primary purpose, the truth is, helping anyone with anything can be of service.
Suddenly – my world is full of opportunities.