It’s amazing, the power of a Gratitude List – especially when rewritten each time.  Writing it once is one thing, and reading it another.  But if it is written, and rewritten at a later time, or on a different media, or time of day, etc., the power of its positivity begins to glow.  It’s simply amazing.

I was in a real funk this evening.  All day, actually.  Since last night, really.  Just feeling depressed and lonely.  It was really, REALLY starting to get to me.  I went to a 5:30 meeting, but ended up leaving, because it was so small, which usually I like, but I didn’t want to be asked to talk.  I don’t recall ever leaving a meeting.  I’ve been to hundreds and hundreds of meetings, and I’ve never left one before.  It felt both liberating, and guilty.  Ugh.  Now I’m sitting in a coffee shop – alone.  Dummy.

Around noon today, I was at a restaurant where my friend AF works, and I mentioned that the 10:00 morning meeting was talking about character defects, and how they can also be assets.  Meanwhile, it really hit home on a couple of levels, and it was a little depressing (to add to what I was already going through), so she suggested that I create a gratitude list.

What a great idea.  I hadn’t even thought of that, but it is SO HELPFUL.  I mean, I used to do it all of the time, so I know the power of a gratitude list, it’s a no brainer, really.  But it hadn’t once crossed my mind, neither today, nor recently.  So I did it.

I was sitting here in the coffee shop, writing out a journal/ramble, and I was going off about things, and feeling worse, when I remembered her suggestion.  I began writing, at first begrudgingly and with difficulty thinking of anything, but as I wrote, and I remembered and thought about the things I have in my life, the list went from a goal of three or four items, to a rapidly growing list of nineteen items.  I stopped there, because I was distracted...

A gal walked in and stat down at a table kitty corner to where I was at.  She looked like she was waiting for someone, and sure enough, in walks a guy looking for her.  It sounds like I’m sitting in front of a blind date!  Not that I’m eavesdropping, mind you!  It was the “Hi!  Nice to meet you!” that gave it away.  Anyway… just makes me a bit jealous, but I am glad that they’re having a good time.  <sigh>  Just wish I could figure out how to do that.  Back on track:

… My point was that gratitude is a very, very powerful tool, one that I forget all too often.  It can be tremendously difficult to find things to be happy about at times, but as I get the list going, and the momentum picks up, it begins to flow rather quickly. And the thing is, it doesn’t have to be a huge item.  It can be a list on simple things, like the sunshine, or a fresh breeze.  From there, it usually escalates into the “obvious,” like transportation, housing, my job, etc.  Or I might start with the bigger deals, like my Recovery and Sobriety.  Family.  Friends.

Part of the trick is keeping my mind off of the crap that combats the positive flow.  It happens, it is everywhere.  But it is also possible to overcome that, it’s just difficult at times.  It’s like meditating.  It’s difficult at first, but with practice and time, meditation get easier and easier.

So, that’s been my day thus far.  I’m sitting here waiting for a meeting that supposed to take place in just over an hour, and since I’ve got the extra time, I decided to write my blog a bit early tonight, rather than skip it.  If things go as planned, I’ll be home late again, but it won’t matter, because the blog will be done and I’ll just head straight to bed.

If you’re feeling out of place or down, try a gratitude list.  Just start, even if there are only three things that come to mind, and then practice it for a week.  Or three.

Namasté