I missed blogging last night because I got home very late again. I headed out to another late meeting, just to get out of the house. Damn Left Side and Right Side -- will they ever just let me be?
I've been smacked with a number of Life Slaps lately. I can't figure out who's doing the smacking, me or the Universe; ether way, they're usually harder than I like, but as hard as they need to be.
I have a friend, who I'll refer to as ZJ from now on, who has this simply amazing ability to sense when something needs to be attended to. I've never heard her take credit for it, either -- she always tells me that, "The Universe [or God, she'll sometimes say] directs me to do [or say] something, so I do." She never seems to question the reason nor the outcome, she simply accepts that it is what needs to be done, so she obliges and moves forward. What makes me believe her statement whole heartedly is that out of nowhere, without me ever saying anything to her, she sends me affirmations, or information, or quotes or what have you, and they always somehow fit what is going on directly at that moment in my life. It's uncanny in her ability to do this!
She's listened to some of the struggles (complaints?) in my life (I feel bad for her, because my "issues" are always so petty), and one day she suggested a wonderful book by the author Jen Sincero, You Are a Badass. In the book, Ms. Sincero talks a lot about acceptance. Acceptance of who we are, what we are, where we're at, right now. There are many more awesome things that she discusses, like the vibrations of the Universe, and what we want; but you'll have to get her book to read up on that. I'm not going to do a book report here or rewrite her book for you -- she did a wonderful job of writing it, so go buy the book, it's worth every damn cent. After your purchase, actually read it.
If your anything like me, and you can't concentrate on reading for long periods, or you simply haven't got a lot of time, then do what I've been doing: read one chapter per day. No more, no less. Just one. I have found that by reading just before bedtime, and sleeping on it, that it sinks in pretty good. Then I start my day off with a meditation based on "Becoming What I Believe," and I'm usually pretty good to go (though there are days I wonder). But I digress...
I mention ZJ and Ms. Sincero because they both have things in common with each other, like trusting the Universe, or the Source Energy. And strangely -- so do The Rooms. Why am I just now finding the connections?
Release and Accept
This has been a very difficult thing for me to do, to relinquish control and accept that I have little to no power over "it." I still don't know why I have a hard time with that, but I do. For some reason, I feel like, "If things were just to go this way, or that way, I'll be okay." As though I'll be able to keep it together and then things won't fall apart. But I've tried that -- for years.
Then there's simply holding on for dear life, the Fear of Letting Go. This is more like what I've been going through lately. If I let go, then what will happen? Believe me, Left Side and Right Side have theories of their own, and frankly -- they terrify me, right into locking up, halting Life, freezing cold in my tracks.
The past can't be changed, and revisiting it isn't going to predict the outcome of future events. By hanging on to this old feeling and worry, I get a false sense of security that I am safe; but from what?
On a more recently related topic, Loneliness.
According to Ms. Sincero, if I am focusing on certain aspects in my life, I am very much attracting them to myself (read the book, it gives great insight into this). I've felt alone all my life. I mean, I've got my family (which I will explain in a different blog at some point), but that's entirely different than "friends," who choose to accept the other person, and unlike family, who love you because they "have to, we're family."
So if I focus solely on my loneliness (past or present) rather than release it and accept it, two things simultaneously happen:
- I feel bad because it is a sad thing that I've never really had a good friend I could trust or count on. This means that I am in a current state of unhappiness, aka -- miserable.
- I "put out vibes" that say, "Let me be, I want to be alone." Even if that's not what I really want, that's what I'm saying -- and the Universe listens, and she leaves me alone.
Therefore, I feel bad because A) I'm thinking about it (aka: wallowing in my own misery), and B) people stay away, because I look like I don't want to be bothered, and the Universe doesn't try to help, because I've told her not to.
How do I break this self-destructive cycle, and fix it so it perpetuates in a desirable way? Like maybe, being happy?
Release it - and Accept it
It really is that simple (and as I've stated before, I didn't say easy).
Releasing doesn't mean ignoring. Acknowledgement of the issue is an important part of Release. It's like digging for change in our pocket full of stuff, trying to get out that one quarter. But now we've got a fistful of stuff we don't want. We can't feel that quarter, so we just want to let it go; but we need the quarter that we are sure is there, so we hold on. It's here that we realize we're going to have to release every piece from our hand, one by one; recognize it what it is (or what it isn't), and then let it go. Otherwise, we will drop the quarter we're so desperately searching for, or be faced with handful of stuff we do not need falling all over the place and creating a new issue. We may have to acknowledge and release several times, but with enough time, we will let go of every unwanted thing we were hanging onto except the one we need; the quarter.
But along with releasing the unnecessary junk, we must accept the situation for what it is. When we finally get our hand out of our pocket, and we realize that the quarter isn't actually a quarter, but a nickel, we can either go back and start digging around again for a quarter that simply doesn't exist, or we can accept that it is nickel. It is in acceptance that we realize we can't change what it is; a nickel. But we could ask a friend for a quarter, or nickels or dimes -- if we haven't put them off through our negative vibes already.
The reality is, I can either remain in the past and be miserable, putting off vibes warning people that I'm no fun to be around, or I can release my past, accept it for what it was, and move into Now. Be thankful for what I do have and those that are around me, starting with my family and new friends. Immediately, I will put off vibes to the Universe that I am grateful for what I've got, which puts me in a place where I'm ready to receive (not take). Not to mention that I am no longer signaling to people that I want to be left alone because I'm so damn grumpy and pathetic.
Suddenly, I may not even have to ask for a quarter; I just might be offered one.